The Joke Thread

Anything off-topic

Moderators: flyingpolarbear, Eric@PPE, VicC, James B.

James B.
Moderator
Posts: 2823
Joined: Thu Apr 03, 1997 4:00 pm
Location: '98GMT400, '98GMT410, '99GMT420, '00GMT420

Post by James B. »

Try posting the following, without the spaces:

T B I

O B S

N B S

N N B S

N N N B S

D I Z Z Y

P P L

...just a small window into my torment and the attempts to mitigate it. :P

Hog
Posts: 5036
Joined: Tue Dec 11, 2001 4:00 pm
Location: 1997 Chev ECSB L31 350 1997 GMC Sierra SLE RCSB, Ontario

Post by Hog »

I dont dare try James, that'd be like pulling the plutonium out of T.B.I.'s flux capacitor.

Bottom line, bad things happen.

peace
Hog

JR96CK
Posts: 1519
Joined: Fri Apr 03, 1998 8:12 pm
Location: Texas

Post by JR96CK »

I'm just glad that "intermediate" is no longer censored by the site and that "sensor" no longer gets changed to "centaur."

Back in the day. :lol:

CrazyHoe
Posts: 6228
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:30 am
Location: Mtl; '98 2dr4x4 Tahoe, L31,Hookers Long T, 0411,EFIlive, 4L80-E,dual 3",marine int+inj

Post by CrazyHoe »

[img]http://lt_2.dihitt.net/links_thumbs/2013/07/24/14304517.jpg[/img],Image'll Image
TBIâ„¢

GMT 400

GMT 800

GMT 900

GMT K2XX

distributor

people

Hog
Posts: 5036
Joined: Tue Dec 11, 2001 4:00 pm
Location: 1997 Chev ECSB L31 350 1997 GMC Sierra SLE RCSB, Ontario

Post by Hog »

JR96CK wrote:I'm just glad that "intermediate" is no longer censored by the site and that "sensor" no longer gets changed to "centaur."

Back in the day. :lol:
I remember those days.

N/M=(No Message)
or
N/T=(No Text)

PA&A

peace
Hog

Makoi
Posts: 4165
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2005 3:18 am
Location: 2010 GMC Yukon Denali

Post by Makoi »

T-56

Makoi
Posts: 4165
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2005 3:18 am
Location: 2010 GMC Yukon Denali

Post by Makoi »


CrazyHoe
Posts: 6228
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:30 am
Location: Mtl; '98 2dr4x4 Tahoe, L31,Hookers Long T, 0411,EFIlive, 4L80-E,dual 3",marine int+inj

Bone head!

Post by CrazyHoe »


CrazyHoe
Posts: 6228
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:30 am
Location: Mtl; '98 2dr4x4 Tahoe, L31,Hookers Long T, 0411,EFIlive, 4L80-E,dual 3",marine int+inj

Post by CrazyHoe »


Hog
Posts: 5036
Joined: Tue Dec 11, 2001 4:00 pm
Location: 1997 Chev ECSB L31 350 1997 GMC Sierra SLE RCSB, Ontario

Weight loss program

Post by Hog »

Weight Loss Program

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 kilos that week.

peace
Hog

Makoi
Posts: 4165
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2005 3:18 am
Location: 2010 GMC Yukon Denali

Death

Post by Makoi »

My wife asked me what I wanted to have done with my remains after I'm dead. I told her that I wanted them scattered over Disneyland. And that I didn't want to be cremated!

Speeder
Posts: 10772
Joined: Fri Apr 30, 1999 9:12 pm
Location: 2015 Tahoe 2WD 5.3L 6L80E, 2008 Colorado work beater, 2003 Dodge Dakota pro-touring project

Post by Speeder »

Best joke of the year:


























Democrat votes count.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Speeder
Posts: 10772
Joined: Fri Apr 30, 1999 9:12 pm
Location: 2015 Tahoe 2WD 5.3L 6L80E, 2008 Colorado work beater, 2003 Dodge Dakota pro-touring project

Post by Speeder »

I was looking for something for the house. The item in question had this warning attached to it.

"About California Proposition 65

California's Proposition 65 entitles California consumers to special warnings for products that contain chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm if those products expose consumers to such chemicals above certain threshold levels. We care about our customers' safety and hope that the information below helps with your buying decisions. "

This is what the warning was on. I decided against buying it not because of the warning but because it's made in China. Plus I didn't want to catch cancer or something off it. Probably because it's Chinese.

Whipped383
Posts: 2104
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:12 pm
Location: Salt Lake, 97K1500,ECSB, 383,Whipple,0411,Marine, 03K2500,CCSB,8.1&Allison, Whipple in progress

Post by Whipped383 »

Everything causes cancer in California,so glad I don't live there

CrazyHoe
Posts: 6228
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:30 am
Location: Mtl; '98 2dr4x4 Tahoe, L31,Hookers Long T, 0411,EFIlive, 4L80-E,dual 3",marine int+inj

Just'a good ol' boys

Post by CrazyHoe »

Never meanin' no harm.
Beats all you never saw
Been in trouble with the law
Since the day they was born
Staightnin' the curves
Flatnin the hills
Someday the mountain might get 'em
But the law never will

https://youtu.be/wESRYDrgc-8

97k15004wd
Posts: 1166
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 7:32 pm
Location: Waikikamukau

Post by 97k15004wd »

Why did the chicken cross the road?




To see his friend, the Big Dummy




Knock, Knock.




Who's there?




The chicken......

CrazyHoe
Posts: 6228
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:30 am
Location: Mtl; '98 2dr4x4 Tahoe, L31,Hookers Long T, 0411,EFIlive, 4L80-E,dual 3",marine int+inj

Post by CrazyHoe »


venmanuel
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 6:23 pm
Location: Santa Clara, CA

Post by venmanuel »

Why are the North Koreans the best at geometry?

Because they’ve got a Supreme Ruler.

z71gmc06
Posts: 1016
Joined: Tue May 08, 2007 12:45 pm
Location: Michigan

Post by z71gmc06 »

I'm pretty sure this qualifies as a joke.

https://ls1tech.com/articles/we-cant-un ... gn=content

hquick
Posts: 4689
Joined: Thu Aug 10, 2006 1:56 pm
Location: Melbourne, Oz-----98 K1500 LT Suburban. RHD, 0411, Whipple, Marine, 4L80E, Trutrac, H/boost,E-Fans

Post by hquick »

My wife was standing naked, looking into the bedroom mirror..
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me “I look old, fat and ugly...I really need you to pay me a compliment�.
I replied..�your eyesight’s damned near perfect�.
.
And that’s when the fight started.
🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣

Post Reply